Do you know a codependent Rescue Hero? It’s truly remarkable how it would come to appear that the rescuer is just as sick as the alcoholic wife, the abusive partner, the financially irresponsible wife or the unfaithful husband.
These troubled partners are like bees to honey for the co dependent soul. They land in relationship after relationship wondering why these men or women just can’t seem to get their lives ‘together’
The reality is that the co dependent, by default seeks out the troubled subject (on an energetic) level because their drug of choice is to fix, help and save. The troubled subject of course is looking to be saved and it’s a match made in heaven.
The co dependent gets to fulfil the quest to the throne of martyrdom & the troubled subject finds a saviour so they never actually have to do any healing. The co dependent is a kind person, looking to feel needed, avoiding any sort of rejection by providing more than is even asked for, fulfilling this need to feel wanted & the victim finally has someone who will excuse the behavior with love & faith, who will prove to be the sacrificial lamb (aka good girl) who will endure for better or worse.
But they won’t, their default to sacrifice all their own needs whilst saving the world will leave them sick, bitter, overweight, silently resentful, eventually incapable of emotional connection or physical intimacy because their rescue syndrome has left them burnt out. If you’re in a relationship with a partner who just cannot thrive, you may be enabling toxic behaviours by excusing, rescuing & enduring. The more you invite an alcoholic to be rescued, the more they will give you something to rescue.
It’s good to help, it’s not good to help by trying to control others. It’s not healthy to continuously be the martyr or the resentful partner ‘who deserves better’
Enabling or turning a blind eye to toxic behaviour is terribly disabling, and the addict who actually wants to heal will eventually have no dire need to heal because the co dependent has made life so comfortable being sick.
But who is really sick then?
B O T H
How to stop? Choose to love yourself.
